1. Transparent overhead doors. You can announce 100 times to people that closed bins mean full bins, and they will still open them to check.
2. Expedited luggage handling. You get my bags out by the time I get to baggage claim and you’re a hero, because I didn’t have to schlep it through the airport.
3. Super-expedited passage through minimally-invasive (meaning, leave shoes on, carry drinks and shaving gear) search lanes for cleared passengers (this is actually in the works, but I didn’t want the airlines to forget).
4. Board ALL passengers window-center-aisle from the rear of the plane forward (I know what you’re thinking, frequent flyers, see number (5) next).
5. For elite flyers, allow gate check-in of roll-aboard bags so they get them a couple of minutes after leaving the plane — same time as stroller, car seats, etc. This reduces the incentives for elite flyers to have to barge onboard early to get their overhead space and leaves room to implement (4) above.
6. Re-tool the stupid overheads so they can fit more gear.
7. Install an alert system allowing flight attendants closing the bins to signal to a panel near the front of the plane that bins are full. If someone boarding late for row 32 has no open bins near their seat, they gate check the bag on the spot. 90 percent of the musical chairs bag-dance occurs in the last 10 minutes before scheduled departure. You’ve seen it. A plane is packed with sweaty passengers and some hapless passenger is allowed to drag a bag the size of a rhinoceros to the back of the plane. Everyone staring at this event sees the bag hauled back to the door minutes later.
8. When some idiot ignores the warning to place small items under the seat and elects to place it in the overhead, a flight attendant should come along, remove it, hand it to the person, and stare at them with the intensity of Charles Manson.
9. When the pitch of an airline’s seats is 32” or less, simply disable recline. As entertaining as the circus of head lice might be on the person in front of me, I’ll pass.
10. Coach flight attendants to watch for passengers trying to get rid of service items (trays, cups, etc.). We know you see us but are choosing to ignore us. We need to reclaim what limited space we have.
11. For God’s sake, be honest during delays. If the flight has a 10 percent chance of leaving, don’t string us along.
Source: Randy Hice
Gravity always wins!