Rules for Ryanair Taking Over Journo’s Flat

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Sure, we’ve given Ryanair coverage (with Michael O’Leary performing the can-can and a passenger eating a winning €10,000 lotto ticket, who could resist?) but we’ve never done anything foolish, like bet our flat that the words Ryanair and “marvellous” have never been used in the same sentence by a passenger.

Who has done that you ask? Why Telegraph journalist Bryony Gordon, who wrote:


I am willing to bet my flat and its contents that nobody has ever said the words “Ryanair”, “marvellous” and “service” in the same sentence.

Armed with PhDs in spin, Ryanair’s PR department issued this rebuttal:


Ryanair receives thousands of letters each year from satisfied customers and publishes a small selection of these satisfaction letters on its website at http://www.ryanair.com/ie/about/customer-feedback . Ryanair has provided Bryony with the details of these web-pages and is now seeking the keys to her ‘flat’.

What’s the most fair outcome? Here is our opinion. Gordon must surrender her flat according to the following terms & condition of carriage:

  • Michael O’Leary personally take delivery of the keys. Any name change will require a €1,500,000 processing fee.
  • Keys can only be sent electronically. In the event the key is too big for Ethernet cables, a €12,000,000 mailing fee will be applied to the recipient.
  • Check-in must occur between 47 and 48 minutes prior to moving in otherwise the flat is forfeited.
  • Ryanair produce a copy of Gordon’s article prior to moving in. Failing to do will result in a €200,000 printing fee per page.
  • Any bathroom visits needed during the acquisition process will be charged at €1 per visit. Toilet paper is €50,000 a square.
  • Payments can only be made by credit card. All credit card payments incur a 48% processing fee.

All clear? Have I missed any terms and conditions?

2 Responses to Rules for Ryanair Taking Over Journo’s Flat

  1. Mark Iliff 15 April, 2010 at 11:47 pm #

    Nice one, Will.

    µ

  2. Leslie Beeson 19 April, 2010 at 6:58 pm #

    I’ll enjoy Tweeting this one, thanks for the grin.

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