Acronyms that will never be contest: Everyone wins!

Judging my “Acronyms That Will Never Be (ATWNB)” contest is hard.

I feel a little like the source selection board for the KC-X tanker contract: I know any pick I make is sure to be challenged and, perhaps, over-turned on appeal. (At least John McCain isn't breathing down my neck – yet.)

So I’m going to do what may very well happen in the tanker competition anyway, and name everyone who participated a winner! That’s right: everybody who sent an acronym gets an F-22 cutaway poster! Yes, I’m like the Oprah of defense industry bloggers.

(Participants, please email with your mailing addresses, and you will receive your well-deserved prize in the mail.)

Here are your winners:

CRASH -- Chinook Rear-Hemisphere Attack Sensor Halo (CRASH)
PUKED -- Predator Unintentional Kinetic Event Detector (PUKED)
RIPOFF -- Raptor Incident Prevention Override Failsafe Function (RIPOFF)
ASSHAT -- Apache (or Aviation) System Simulation High Altitude Trainer (ASSHAT)
JAC ASS -- Joint Air Controller Accident Survivability Simulation (JAC ASS)
ASS-M -- Air to Surface Standoff Missile (ASS-M) (JASSM without the redundant “Joint”)
VIAGRA -- Vertically-Initiated Aircraft for Ground Reconnaissance and Attack (VIAGRA)
PENIS -- Pilotage Environmental Navigation Instrumentation System (PENIS)
OPERATION QUAGMIRE -- Operation Quest to Unite All Good Meaning Iraqi Residents Enthusiastically
MONGOLOID -- Main Outer Navigationally Guided Operational Laser Onboard Identification friend -or- foe Designator (MONGOLOID)
BURP -- BOMB UNIT RECYCLING PROGRAM
CRAP -- COUNTER-RADIATION AIRCRAFT PROTECTION
BULLSHIT -- Bomb Unit for Low-Level Surface HIT
PISS-OFF -- Penetrating Intelligence Sub-System for Stand-OFF
COWDUNG -- Common Operational Warning Display Unit - New Generation
BUDWEIS-ER -- Buried Underground Digital Warfare-Enabled Integrated System - Extended Range