A bureaucracy that still smarts over revelations of $600 toilet seats and $1,000 hammers should be more careful than to spend $533,331 on a contract listed only as "B-2 accessories".
I know about this contract because of last week's post about the ongoing competition for the Flexible Acquisition Sustainment Tool follow-on (F2AST) program. This is a huge umbrella contract that allows the US Air Force to buy upgrades and modifications for aircraft a la cart.
(To find the B-2 item, click on this link, then click the "fast total orders awarded" tab on the bottom of the spreadsheet, then scroll down to entry #331.)
Who knew a stealth bomber needs accessories? I don't know for sure what a $533,331 contract buys in the defense business (besides two cups of coffee and a half-hour powerpoint presentation by a consultant), but I thought I might try a few other guesses:
1. Platinum-coated inlet grills, a la Flavor Flav
2. Inlaid mother of pearl embellishments for the mother of all bombs
3. This season's "it" electronic flight bags by Balenciaga
4. One celebrity-bred Chihuahua per combat-coded bomber
This is, of course, a competition. If you can come up with my favorite suggestion, I am prepared to offer as a reward one of my coolest conference freebies: a 2008 pocket calendar from the Society of Experimental Test Pilots.
Wasn't the entire B-2 fleet flight-restricted due to windshield bolt hole cracks? (General Moseley speech to AFA... recently)
The B-2 will be the first jet aircraft equipped with spinners - on the main wheels!
Do you have any idea how much it costs to cover a cockpit interior in faux velvet leopard print upholstery? Or to Feng Shui an avionics suite? Feng shui consultants aren't cheap.
There are 21 operational B2's flying today, with missions lasting up to 30, even 40 hours. Do you know how many scented candles it takes to keep a cockpit smelling like vanilla and jasmine for 40 hours? A s*** ton, that's how many.
I don't know about you, but I certainley won't be found guilty of second guessing DOD expenditures when it comes to making the men and women protecting my freedom feel sexy.