A bureaucracy that still smarts over revelations of $600 toilet seats and $1,000 hammers should be more careful than to spend $533,331 on a contract listed only as “B-2 accessories”.
I know about this contract because of last week’s post about the ongoing competition for the Flexible Acquisition Sustainment Tool follow-on (F2AST) program. This is a huge umbrella contract that allows the US Air Force to buy upgrades and modifications for aircraft a la cart.
(To find the B-2 item, click on this link, then click the “fast total orders awarded” tab on the bottom of the spreadsheet, then scroll down to entry #331.)
Who knew a stealth bomber needs accessories? I don’t know for sure what a $533,331 contract buys in the defense business (besides two cups of coffee and a half-hour powerpoint presentation by a consultant), but I thought I might try a few other guesses:
1. Platinum-coated inlet grills, a la Flavor Flav
2. Inlaid mother of pearl embellishments for the mother of all bombs
3. This season’s “it” electronic flight bags by Balenciaga
4. One celebrity-bred Chihuahua per combat-coded bomber
This is, of course, a competition. If you can come up with my favorite suggestion, I am prepared to offer as a reward one of my coolest conference freebies: a 2008 pocket calendar from the Society of Experimental Test Pilots.