Recently in Acronyms that will never be Category

How do you attract press coverage amidst the star (literally)-studded speaking schedule of the Air Force Association's annual convention in Washington DC next week?

You hold your press conferences a week early! All of them.

I'm headed out this morning for the Rosslyn, Virginia, offices of BAE Systems, Inc. (The ", Inc." at the end subtly denotes the US-based corporate unit of BAE Systems, which of course is based in the UK.)

In the meantime, enjoy this powerpoint introduction to today's BAE Systems, Inc. Please forgive the lack of graphics. I received a paper copy of the briefing and transcribed it into the powerpoint format.

BAE Systems, Inc.ppt

Judging my “Acronyms That Will Never Be (ATWNB)” contest is hard.

I feel a little like the source selection board for the KC-X tanker contract: I know any pick I make is sure to be challenged and, perhaps, over-turned on appeal. (At least John McCain isn't breathing down my neck – yet.)

So I’m going to do what may very well happen in the tanker competition anyway, and name everyone who participated a winner! That’s right: everybody who sent an acronym gets an F-22 cutaway poster! Yes, I’m like the Oprah of defense industry bloggers.

(Participants, please email with your mailing addresses, and you will receive your well-deserved prize in the mail.)

Here are your winners:

CRASH -- Chinook Rear-Hemisphere Attack Sensor Halo (CRASH)
PUKED -- Predator Unintentional Kinetic Event Detector (PUKED)
RIPOFF -- Raptor Incident Prevention Override Failsafe Function (RIPOFF)
ASSHAT -- Apache (or Aviation) System Simulation High Altitude Trainer (ASSHAT)
JAC ASS -- Joint Air Controller Accident Survivability Simulation (JAC ASS)
ASS-M -- Air to Surface Standoff Missile (ASS-M) (JASSM without the redundant “Joint”)
VIAGRA -- Vertically-Initiated Aircraft for Ground Reconnaissance and Attack (VIAGRA)
PENIS -- Pilotage Environmental Navigation Instrumentation System (PENIS)
OPERATION QUAGMIRE -- Operation Quest to Unite All Good Meaning Iraqi Residents Enthusiastically
MONGOLOID -- Main Outer Navigationally Guided Operational Laser Onboard Identification friend -or- foe Designator (MONGOLOID)
BURP -- BOMB UNIT RECYCLING PROGRAM
CRAP -- COUNTER-RADIATION AIRCRAFT PROTECTION
BULLSHIT -- Bomb Unit for Low-Level Surface HIT
PISS-OFF -- Penetrating Intelligence Sub-System for Stand-OFF
COWDUNG -- Common Operational Warning Display Unit - New Generation
BUDWEIS-ER -- Buried Underground Digital Warfare-Enabled Integrated System - Extended Range

Trying something new on the blog today: a contest!

The prize is one of Flight's famous cutaway posters of the Lockheed Martin F-22.

l'll give everybody a week. The challenge: come up with a military aircraft acronym that makes sense, but could never actually exist. I'll give you two examples.

1) Ever heard of the Hornet Industry Team (HIT), which makes the F/A-18? The acronym that will never exist: the Super Hornet Industry Team (er, get it?).

2) Have you also heard of the Hornet Autonomous Real-time Targeting (HART) system, also an F/A-18-based project? The acronym that will never exist: the Falcon Autonomous Real-time Targeting system, with thanks to The Woracle for coming up with that one.

The prize winner will be announced next Thursday at 2 pm. The prize can be mailed or delivered in person, if you're local to the Washington DC area. If you prefer to make anonymous suggestions, please email me at stephen.trimble@flightglobal.com.

Let the contest begin!

[UPDATE: The first (anonymous) submittals have arrived, and RIPOFF has taken the early lead! Here's the list:

Chinook Rear-Hemisphere Attack Sensor Halo (CRASH)

Predator Unintentional Kinetic Event Detector (PUKED)

Raptor Incident Prevention Override Failsafe Function (RIPOFF) (used by LMCO staffers to keep execs out of trouble with GAO)

Apache (or Aviation) System Simulation High Altitude Trainer (ASSHAT)

Joint Air Controller Accident Survivability Simulation (JAC ASS)

Keep them coming!]