...which won't stop me trying of course. I suppose it was inevitable that when the staggeringly self-congratulatory world of business travel linked up with the rococo edifice that is the global wine industry, they would produce an awards programme of quite awesome flabbiness. The fact that it boasts of having 14 (count 'em) categories, is only half the story. (In fact only one-third of the story). Yes, a big hand please for the winners of the 2007 Cellars in the Sky Awards - all 44 of them!
Now I can see how Best Business Class Cellar (American Airlines) has a certain intellectual rigour and is quite a handy thing to know; maybe you even have an interest in Best First Class Cellar (Qantas) - in which case lucky you; or Consistency of Wines across Business and First (also Qantas); even Most Informative Wine List deserves a mention (Air New Zealand.)
But I would love to have been the fly on the boardroom wall when British Airways was given the fabulous news that it had won eighth place in Best Fortified or Sweet Wine in Business Class (I am not making this up.) And the joy in Amsterdam as KLM romped home with sixth best White Wine in Business Class must have been a sight to behold.
There are people who judge this thing. In fact "wine expert, author and co-chairman of the International Wine Challenge" Charles Metcalfe notes that they "work hard for two days to select the best of the best". In which case why is fifth place in Best White in First Class shared between Lufthansa, Asiana and JAL. I mean, for God's sake, make a decision.
If you want to check that I'm not exaggerating, and if you can face it, here's the link to the full results of Cellars in the Sky. If you can't face it then in no particular order, and generally more than once, the winners are: Air France, Eva Air, ANZ, KAL, El Al, KLM, TAM, SAA, SIA, Qantas, Lufthansa, Kenya Airways, JAL, United, Emirates, Asiana, BA, American, Qatar Airways, and Gulf Air. Congratulations to this incredibly exclusive group.