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Aviation History
1916
1916 - 1118.PDF
S.4 8 S the Minister of Munitions to pray him to allow them to cease building proprietory machines, and construct only A.F^d. with D.U.D. engines. Hastily prepared banners floated aloft, bearing such inscriptions as : ^ The A.F.4d. is IT." " Stop the war, and save us from th«rworkhouse." At Hyde Park Corner they were met by a huge army of indispensables and conscientious objectors, who were marching to Hounslow barracks, shouting to be allowed to serve, and fighting like Kilkenny cats. They fell upon and smashed up the entire procession of poor constructors. And who shall pry into secrets of private life, turned topsy turvy by a meddling old meddler ? Men who had never displayed a moment's consideration for the tenderness so eagerly sought by their wives, now became enamoured to the point of foolishness, and in the same moment the wives found out that they could do without it. The dovecotes of the recently married emitted sounds like unto those in the crockery-smashing variety scenes, and Choleric old couples with grandchildren became so demonstra tive in their affections that the boarders cried in the soup. But in Parliament—that institution of ancient origin wherein bold spirits are made downy as Mallow leaves; where no man ever yet heard, in answer to a question, one or other of the two most momentous words in the English, language :—Yes, and No ; where verisimilitude is a mixture of votes, veracity, verbiage, vacillation and vaseline—the four hundred pounders got a fair dose of Sardonica herba, even like unto taking coals to Newcastle. The House was engaged with the affairs of state that automatically come with the conduct of a great war, and the members were getting tired and dejected as the hours sped on. Gradually the fatal aroma pervaded the atmosphere, and a remarkable change was instantly noticeable in the demeanour of the entire assembly. Members brightened up considerably, and sat upright in their seats, whilst an air of alertness replaced the former apathy, so that, by way of instance, when the member for an Eastern constituency rose from his seat, every attention was his. Addressing Mr. Waitense, he asked whether, owing to the trouble he had been to him all day, he, the hon. member, would excuse him from putting any more of the questions standing in his name, adding that they were quite immaterial, and that he felt sure the answers would be entirely satisfactory even before they were given. The hon. member replied that he was only too pleased to give lucid and satisfactory replies to any question his hon. friend would oblige him by asking. He knew, he said, that any questions the hon. member had to ask were of the utmost importance, and would be listened to with interest by the House, and begged him in the interests of State to proceed. Mr. Cooing bowed low in accepting the compliment so gracefully offered, and said he had lately thought, from the expression of his hon. friend, that his questions were causing him some embarrassment, a thing he had no wish whatever to bring about. Mr. Waitense replied that he could not understand how any expression, facial or verbal, he may or may not have conveyed, could have caused his hon. friend to think anything whatever. Mr. Cooing was proceeding to ask whether in the desirability of the furtherance of " darkness and composure " it would be possible to prohibit cigarette smoking in the streets after dark, when he was prevented from further discourse by a most unseemly uproar emanating from both the Government and Opposition benches. The members were in a high state of excitement, and were quarrelling in a manner that foretold physical personalities. Many were crossing over from side to side. Meeting in the middle their opponents of the other side, they would shake hands, and linking arms walk off in the direction of the refreshment rooms. It was noticeable that although they of both sides quarrelled among themselves, they became instantly friendly with their former rivals. Ebeneezer's " J " powder had fallen on productive material, for a member was addressing the few left in their seats on the advisability of withdijiwing all the troops from the front at the earliest possible moment, when roars of laughter and a great clapping of hands sounded in the direction of the lobby, and a general movement was made in that direction. The fun was being caused by Mr. Goliath, M.P. for Llangchwyllcrieth, a quick-change artist, who was giving an exhibition of how to be in six places at one time, with appropriate costumes and " business." As an encore he entertained his audience with some simple conjuring tricks, of which art he is a past master. One that created a good deal of interest amongst the members was where he gathered Treasury notes from the apparently empty air. These he handed round in handfulls for the acceptance of the members, thereby showing that there was no deception in his ability to " gather it in " in spite of a little want of practice lately. He informed them that it was just as easy for him to perform the trick the other wai round. Mr. Waitense refused to accept the notes offered to him, on the plea that it was unearned increment. Where he gathered Treasury notes apparently empty air.'' from the A further attempt at a little trick of other days came to an untimely end—not from any want of skill on the part of the performer, but from motives of caution on the part of the audience. Mr. Goliath had borrowed a hat in order to show them what he called his " nine for four " trick, and had asked if any gentleman would kindly lend him fourpence, when his audience melted away like unto the real thing at the street corner when the confederate circulates with the hat, remarking that they were not interested in tricks evidently invented for the amusement of the working classes. Songs were by this time breaking out in another corner, headed by Mr. Waitense with " Come List to Me and I Will Tell," followed by " Some Day," and, in response to acclamation, " Wait Till the Clouds Roll By." Mr. Ruddieworld, a thespian artiste of renown, obliged with " It's a Long Way to Tipperary," with considerable effect, his encore, " Sure' I'm Not M'eself at All," obtaining still more general approval. At this juncture came a message from Lord Southdown inviting the entire House to lunch with him at the Ritz. whither they were all transplanted in motor cars sent for that purpose by the Petrol Control Committee. Altogether London was in a deplorable condition, but by evening the effects of the powder, which after all we're only temporary, began to peter out. Then followed a deep sleep. Not a living soul in all that vast town but was comfortably sleeping just where he had lain down, to awaken with a void as to what had taken place. Even Mr. Waitense could hardly realise that he no longer ruled in his accustomed sphere, although he had a dim idea that " Goliath, the Conjurer," and his tricks had something to do with it. All were in a state of uncertainty as to what had happened— all, that is, except Ebeneezer, B.Sc., in bed in Highgate nursing a broken head, and the conscientious objectors and indispensables, who had poked their heads into the jaws of the " Jolly Old Lion," and could not withdraw them. And, perhaps after all, the Nation has wakened up from a dose of Sardonica. THE " DREAMER." ^
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