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Aviation History
1918
1918 - 1425.PDF
FLIGHT wing, leaving the monoplane to control itself, which it willingly did. Seizing the propeller of the enemy machine with one hand, he gave a quick turn of his iron wrist, snapping off the rotary engine like a carrot. The doomed Hun hurtled into the infinite blackness of the abyss to a sticky destruction. The searchlights died away, and only the flickering gleam of blue and gold on the horizon remained to tell of the dcomed city THIRD INSTALMENT. Having reduced Berlin to a quivering pulp, our hero returned, insouciantly controlling the machine with one knee cocked over the handlebar, while inditing (in white ink on brown paper) a Rhapsody intimately describing his sensations of the past few hours, after the manner of Captains Shaver and Ruesher. At the moment of landing, the machine, its duty done, instantly collapsed. " This is Malevolus' work ! " roared Alan, " let us find the fell traitor, and jolly well knock spots out of him." Closely followed by the perspiring Jiggins, the avenging pilot rushed to the stores-shed, from whence emanated a confusion of sound as of a Saturday night audience at the Elephant and Castle Theatre. Tearing the door off its hinges, he disclosed a spirited tableau—the sinister Malevolus star-fished on the floor beneath the sturdy form of Horace Angevine. (I clean forgot to tell you about Horace ; he was Alan's bosom pal at school, and is devouringly in love with Milly, the Munitionette. But his suit is hopeless.) (That last remark does not convey an implied reflection cm R.A.F. sartorial habiliments; it means that he hasn't an earthly chance with Milly.) " The blighter had mined the whole place," said Horace, breathlessly, extending in ®ne accusative' hand a bundle of fulminating tapes taken from She raised her rose-petal lips to his Smith's Christmas Crackers (De- light the Little Tot?; for a Shil- ling !). " Another five minutes, and we should have all been blown sky-high." At this moment the choleric Major appeared on the scene. "!!!!!!!!!???????! ! ! ! ! " he said. " Shoot the ? - - ! Quick. Rid the earth of his fell carcase ! " No sooner said than done. A squadron of unoccupied air- mechanics armed with Very- light pistols (Mark VII) presented arms. From an inner pocket Malevolus produced a German flag, with which he proceeded to drape his bosom. Snarling contemptuously, he faced the firing party without a tremor. The word " Fire ! " rang on the chill morning air, and the Hun dropped like a " safety- first " parachute/ In his blood-soaked tunic they found a portrait of a blonde beauty with this touching phrase inscribed upon it—" Tell Gretchen I have served my Fatherland ! " " What shall I say to you, old fellow ? " said Alan, wiping a manly tear away, to the resourceful Horace. The latter spoke no word in reply, but placed the hand of the blushing, but happy Milly in that of our hero. " Make her happy," he muttered. " Just that." He choked down a sob, and turned away. * * * * Two weeks later the happy pair were (was) married. They received five toast-racks, and Horace's melting tenor was heard to great advantage in the organ-loft, when, as one last act of lofty self-abnegation, he sang the appropriate hymns. The local paper gave them a column and a half, and ran a picture of a musical comedy actress in lieu of that of the bride, as being more attractive. The Major gave her away, and our hero is still trying to teach her not to drop her aitches. She is on a tram now, conductorctting, and Alan is at the Hotel Cecil designing fighting scouts on the lines laid down by Messrs. Butterick. I expect you have met him. R. H. B. Ruthless Rhymes Schmitt is missed by all his palz, For, scouting on his D-12 Pialz, He came across a British Ace. (He landed at a frightful pace !) Eustace used to stunt like mad Until, one day upon his Spad, He got a most terrific swoop on, And killed a cow. (That's I a coupon.) t This is from a pilot's log :— " Tuesday. Ran into a fog. Ditto, type D-7 Fokker. (Lattc's gone to D. J.'s Locker.) Charlie tried a brand new tractor, Which had a rotten safety factor. At the inquest, said his wife :— " It's lucky I insured his life." (4 )
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