FlightGlobal.com
Home
Premium
Archive
Video
Images
Forum
Atlas
Blogs
Jobs
Shop
RSS
Email Newsletters
You are in:
Home
Aviation History
1955
1955 - 1814.PDF
PLIGHT, 23 December 1955 Deadbeat Heritage Prizewinning Entries in Literary Competition First Prizewinner: DEADBEATS ALL AT WANDSWORTH by Finnegan O'Rollmop (Despatch Dcpt. Packer) When the wind outside is blowing. And the night-shift lathes are going, Then its glad I am to be a Deadbeat trite. You can keep your country cottages, Light bulbs with sixty wattages, Think of Deadbeat, boys, its here for me and you. Yes its here in Wandsworth beauteous, Where we're working for our futeous, Me and Charlie, Henry, Alfie, George and John. You can't teach us inefficiency, For of that there's no deficiency, So Hurrah for Deadbeat, chaps, say I for one. [And so say all of us. Well done,Finny!—Ed.] Second Prizewinner: FACTORY MOOD by Herbert McX. Slugge (Electropneumaric Seat-burton Lever-pin Pangle-serting Coagulator Dept.) Aside the bike, tis time to check A card and take up dally task The mighty building hums and I IT is with the warmest and friend- liest feelings of seasonal goodwill that I smilingly greet all members of the Deadboat tshrdlu%ppopxf you all a happy and joyous Christ- mas. On this happy festive occasion f feel especially proud to be a Deadbeat. I want you to be proud, too. For, after all, our Company is really one big happy family. Let us all be good mem- bers of that family. Let us all be worthy of our great tradition. Let us all be Deadbeots together. Chairman. LETTERS TO THE EDITOR To The Editor, Deadbeat News May I take this opportunity of expressing my grateful thanks to my colleagues in the Tool Room Records Office who, on the occa- sion of my recent retirement from the Deadbeat Company, so kindly presented me with a presentation copy of "Fifty Years a Deadbeat," by our Chairman, Sir Jas. Dead- beat. It will always help me to remember "old times" with "the at Wandsworth. Yours, etc. Harry Iggnotz. To The Editor, Deadbeat News I would be glad if you could trace for me the scoundrel who, at the recent stress-office Kiddies' Christmas Party, inflicted on my young daughter, age 7, a copy of the most revolting horror-comic annual I have ever had the mis- fortune to come across, "Fifty Years a Deadbeat." This monster is obviously out to fill the minds of the young with the most danger- ous type of rubbish. If I get my hands on him I'll soon show him (Contd. foot <rf next col.) Switch on my ratchet-lug coagulator Monotony, tis not for me nor I For it This day I am alive and yet I die The reason rushes To my tortured brow Alas too late The ever - nan - existent whistle blows and Blowing, bids us rest awhile The mighty Rows of soldier-like coagulators, dimly Sensed amid the noisy silence of the Noontide night imply hostility I hear you, whistle, Thou have liquid pools of meaning in Thy meaning-laden presence Here lies destiny Oh, coagulator, thou Art not for September, as it seems, Why not a bottle full of ink My heart is full, coagulator, full And rhyme or reason plain do Not exist But I exist and why The reason springs, coagulator, springs Up and bids me sing Rejoice The red-toned fastness of the infinite Is here Well, that's real contemporarystuff, eh, Herbert? Can't say we realty understand what its all about,you know, but we must soy we're glad you got if off your chest, ha,ha! Anyway, wet done, Herbert, whatever it means.—Ed.] DRAGMASTER LEADS —Chairman "Our Dragmaster airliner marks a new era in air transport," Sir Jas. Deadbeat stated today. "I am con- fident," the Chairman continued, "that the Dragmaster will maintain Britain's lead in the production of turbojet, turboprop and piston- engined airliners for outback, feeder, medium-stage and long- haul routes." The Dragmaster, he explained, was the first aircraft designed to meet all these require- ments simultaneously. The Chairman added: "The Dragmaster symbolizes my per- sonal faith in the future of air transport as a safe, economic, nor- mal everyday means of communi- cation." Sir Jas. Deadbeat was speaking on the eve of his depar- ture from Southampton in the Queen Mary. Urgent business abroad has forced him to foresake the Yuletide hearth for a three- month visit to Bermuda. 937 YOUR "OFFICIAL SPOKESMAN" How Deadbeat's Story is "Put Across" to the Outside World By GODFREY GUFffi (Assistant Publk Relations Manager, D«adb«n Aircraft Co.) WE of the Public Relations De- partment like to think our work is just as vital, in an unspectacular way, as the production of aircraft, engines and guided missiles—or whatever it is you people make in that cold, dark, noisy shed place on the far side of the airfield. Last year, for example, this small department — employing only 239 people, excluding secre- taries—wrote 1,397,425 words of brochures and Press handouts and distributed 1,784 tons of publicity material. This material was used by journalists throughout the world, and on a few memorable occasions the name of Deadbeat actually appeared in print. Which of us will forget the great day when the Liberian Local Government Chronicle published the full text of our Chairman's 15,000-word address on the occa- sion of the Deadbeat apprentices' prizegiving ceremony? The fact that his photograph was printed in an inverted position was taken by Sir Jas. Deadbeat in charac- teristically good humour. It is indeed symbolic of the great Dead- beat tradition that the subsequent legal proceedings against the pub- lishers were settled out of court for a nominal sum of £10,000. Another achievement which springs to mind is the generous coverage accorded by Pravda and the Daily Worker to Sir Jas. Dead- beat's remarks on trading profits on the occasion of our Guided Missile company's Annual General Meeting. The work of the Public Rela- tions Department is not without its difficulties. One of our wont problems is the noise made by Deadbeat aircraft moving about the nearby airfield. Another is that of dealing with constant inter- ruptions by journalists in search of information. The Deadbeat method of hand- ling journalists follows the famous policy evolved by our "Chief," Mr. Rcilly-Smoothe: — 1. Never divulge facts, i.e., specific information which might assist competitors, such as number of hours flown by an aircraft, delivery dates, reasons for modifi- cations, details of tests, perform- ance under realistic conditions, etc. 2 Reserve all worthwhile infor- mation and pictures for Deadbeat Heritage, our company's glossy bi-annual prestige journal. Thil ensures fair, unbiased reporting of Deadbeat affairs, without distract- ing references to competitive companies. 3. The Deadbeat P.R.O. should not attempt to become too familiar with his company's activities, in order to avoid the risk of inadver- tently divulging secret information to outsiders. NAVY HAILS SKYGOOF "Complete Re-design" Allegation False : Minor Improvements to be Effected. what's what, believe you me. Yours, etc. Josiah Bridgemegger Assembly Inspection Dept.) [Farewell presentation to Mr. Bndgemegger: page 13.] SPEAKING before last Friday's luncheon meeting of the Battersea Power Station Overseers' Associa- tion, Mr. Wolfe S. Reilly-Smoothe, Deadbeat Public Relations Man- ager, revealed new facts concern- ing the forthcoming Deadbeat Skygoof all-purpose fighter. This mighty machine, he re- vealed, would have a top speed of no less than 400 m.p.h. When asked whether this speed was not already exceeded by fighters in squadron service, he pointed out that, relatively, that was true, but in any case the new machine was being designed for the Navy, where the speed criterion was palpably overshadowed by a host of associated parameters which indeed negatived what might be termed the velocitaj significance encountered in other applications. True, there had been minor changes in design, Mr. Reilly- Smoothe admitted; the wing was now high, instead of low, and of 40 per cent greater span; all-up weight had increased by 60 per cent and instead of twin turbo- ptops there were now four turbojets. These were, however, extremely minor changes, and the company had no reason to doubt the integrity of the original design. Responsible for the design of the Skygoof is Valence R. Koggle, the company's assistant chief designer [details of farewell presentation to Mr. Koggle on page 5]. ••••••••••••••••••••••••••»••••••••••••• DEADBEAT AIRCRAFT (Armaments and Missiles Division), Ltd. \ Makers of World's Fastest, Largest, Host Destructive, \ \ Northest, Southest, Eastest, Westest, Highest, Lowest, \ I Host Thoroughly Inescapable, Deadliest, Biggest and t \1 Best Bombs, Ugliest Rockets, Nastiest Missiles and % \l Most Repulsive Nuclear Devices of All Kinds . . . \\ o <> X wish all readers a nappy ana peaceful (inristmas \ \ X vu their warm ana cheerful /laming firesides. ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Sign up to
Flight Digital Magazine
Flight Print Magazine
Airline Business Magazine
E-newsletters
RSS
Events
