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Aviation History
1961
1961 - 1347.PDF
"•••*".'**••" FLIGHT, 14 September 1961 451 Straight and Level ALAS, Straight and Level's com-plete report on the SBAC Dis-play was not ready in time for last week's issue. I am sorry about this, but our air expert—Dr J. Nit—unfor- tunately succumbed to the hospitality for which Scruggs is so justly famous, and was found unconscious in a brochure cupboard on the company's stand when last week's issue was due to go to press. However, better late than never (as Scruggs always say). Attracting enthusiastic interest on the Fred Aviation Ltd stand [writes Dr Nit] was the prototype of the Fredonics Mk 1 Model 321 Enthusiasm Simulator, which will be available in time for delivery to visitors to next year's show. Flight Falsies Ltd displayed a complete new range of their Simulated Customers, in "Falsi-Foam" flexible rubber. These high-precision reproductions are un- cannily lifelike, and typical models available for immediate delivery to other exhibitors, and which are repre- sentative of the most desirable sales prospects, included Venezuelan Air Force generals, Pan American vice- presidents, Canadian bush pilots, senior Ministry of Aviation officials, and How- ard Hughes. These imitation custo- mers can be most effectively displayed at the show posing for contract-signing photographs with the chairman, or having lunch, or chatting with the managing director outside the President's enclosure, etc, etc. A promising new range of products by Smashing Junket (Potters Bar) Ltd attracted keen interest from other exhibitors. In greatest demand were crates of realistic-looking empty cham- pagne bottles and half-eaten plastic grouse which, when positioned outside enclosures (reads the brochure) "never fail to impress visitors to neighbouring enclosures." Finally, in the missile park was the This picture was pub- lished in "The Link," magazine of the Canadian Joint Air Training Centre, Rivers, Manitoba, with the caption: "Hampden bombers in line-astern forma- tion. Note the bend in the fuselage denot- ing its great flexi- bility." Any comments from former Hamp- den pilots, or members of Handley Page's structures dept ? Crimson Leak, the Fred-Scruggs Group's new surface-to-air missile designed to be fired from horseback by officers of the Household Cavalry riding side-saddle. Its guidance system consists of a miniaturized computer that can be easily accommodated under a standard bearskin, and a special gyro is designed to provide trajectory-correction if the horse rears suddenly at the moment of firing. The umbilical mast is disguised as a sword scabbard, and the erector- launcher elevator powerpack digitizer is completely concealed by horse- brasses. "This latest manifestation of British creative design genius," said Sir John Blackout-Jones at a press con- ference, "will appeal particularly to economy-minded governments who wish to get in on the missile age while retain- ing all the pomp and circumstance of past military glories. I need hardly tell you that the War Office is very inter- ested indeed." Asked to comment. General Sir Jocelyn Flamethrower, KCB, DSO, MC\ said: "Gad, sir! It is absolutely splendid! If only we'd had 'em at Balaclava." • Mr Myles Wyatt, chairman of British United Airways, writing in The Times Survey of British Aviation, says He can laugh, be- cause he is the great A. V. Roe himself, designer as well as pilot of this 1910 triplane. Clearly, A. V. Roe the pilot was about to have a word with A. V. Roe the designer: no doubt each said, "I can explain everything." that "it is open to debate, to say the least, whether these cosy arrangements [the corporations' pooling agreements] are either in the best interests of British travellers or are the best means of earning the maximum amount of foreign currency." Splendid straight-talking stuff. But does Mr Wyatt feel this way about his own pooling agreements with BOAC in Africa, and with BEA in the Mediter- ranean, out of which his airline has not been doing at all badly? It is no good saying that BUA were forced into these pools by a Ministerial shotgun: the Minister's view, as re- corded in these columns, is that pooling is "a matter for the commercial judg- ment of the airlines." Good fighting anti-pooling talk, British United, but /// quoque. • You remember that recent joke about the recorded announcement to passengers in the first pilotless airliner, ending: "Ladies and gentleman, you have nothing to worry about . . . to worry about . . . to worry about." If not, pass straight on to the next item—the remainder read on. Now 1 am wondering whether the Ferranti audio warning system, which feeds spoken warnings into the pilot's earphones if something important fails, also has an announcement saying that the audio warning system itself has failed and that the pilot should expect no warnings. If Ferranti have solved the problem of making something announce that it has failed, after it has failed, they might provide the auto- matic-landing designers with a device which would feed into the cabin address system a message—which would have to be brief—like "Cheerio." • Farnborough customer: "Now can you give me a firm price for this equip- ment? Don't tell me it will cost about £500 and then give me a bill for £600." Company salesman: "Ah, I see you know our company." ROGER BACON
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