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Aviation History
1992
1992 - 0959.PDF
STRAIGHTS LEVEL tairey Gordon on message pich-up duties, Amman, 1938.. UNCLE ROGERS FLYING FOOD HARDNESS INDEX REMARKS Fall apart on opening packet Chopped into bits of string by airline knives Chopped into little bits by steel fan blades Chopped into little bits by hollow titanium fan blades Chops aerospace-grade titanium knives into little bits (...a manufacturer of high-grade aerospace titanium supplied special knives to a food-processor for chopping condiments: horse-radish defeated them...) PRODUCT *Airline biscuits for cheese *Steak * Chicken * Canadian Goose *Horse-radish INDEX 1 5 10 20 100 OPEN SKIES SPECIAL Budgie News: "Can you tell us about the new super Bloodshoteyes sen sor on the Highjump whizzjet?" Miss Information: "Sorry. We can't give briefings until after the Election." Budgie News: "Can you tell us if you are having discussions about co operation with the other big flying taxi makers?" Rollo Freelunch: "I'm sorry. Our city-image con sultants say that we can not discuss anything about this with the press. It is an offence to say anything which might artificially raise expectations regard ing our share price." • Precision Runway Mon itor systems being devel oped in the USA will give "blunder alert warnings", according to Budgie News. Atco Annie will then be able to "advise the blun dering aircraft and any en dangered aircraft of the BEAR-BAITING SPECIAL choice of aircraft for this. We ex pect to receive delivery of our sixth ATR-72 in autumn 1992." "These are highly reliable air craft," confirms Pekka Valimaki. "The technical despatch reliabil ity is 99.2%, and it's the biggest turbo-prop plane in the world, for which we were proud to be the launch customer. People think of propeller-powered air lift as being in some way old- 4 no if we're retrof" Blue Wings (Finnair in-jlight mag), Autumn 1991 danger," it says. Atco Annie: "Attention, Spruce Goose, you're about to stray into the path of... Brabazon! Look out! You've got a... Hanni bal, beware traffic at 3 o'clock... Help! Is there a sleek, fast, good-handling, highly manoevrable, ade quately powered non- blundering aircraft out there anywhere, please?" LONG-DISTANCE RECORD SPECIAL Kuala Lumpur to Singapore London to: Los Angeles Los Angeles to: Auckland Frankfurt Honolulu London Papeete Hrs/Mins 55 1115 1245 1105 550 1030 815 Kms 334 8792 10479 9314 4106 8792 6607 St. Miles (208) (5463) (6509) (5788) (2551) (5463) (4105) ...that's 8.4km/hour on the LAX-AKL run, or is it 505km/h, or is it...? Pacific Way (Air New Zealand in-flight mag February 1992 • Airbus is having to ex tend the length of the nose-gear leg on the A340, so that Brian Baggagetruck has a level fuselage to col lide with. That will make the A340 nose-leg about the longest there is at around 2.4m on the cur rent crop of Flying Fatties. Suppose that when they put near-4m-diameter Me- gafans under the wings of 787s, A350s and the like they will eventually have to make nose-legs as long as those on Connies, Bears or Concordes — but strong enough to bear three or four times the weight... Capt Speaking: "Good morning, Folks. Welcome aboard. Hey, I'd just like to say that the most im portant people on this air plane are your lovely cabin staff, so just give them a big smile every half-hour, would you?" Self-loading Priority Cargo: "I pay three grand to sit up here and be told that? I'd be happy if they came and smiled at me just once every ten hours!" Self-loading Priority Cargo: "Excuse me, but this toilet door's jammed shut." Miss Friendly Skies: "Oh, no, Sir. It's not jammed. That toilet is not available to passengers for the first 45 minutes of the flight." S P Cargo: "Why not?" Miss F Skies: "Why, that's where we adjust our make-up, Sir!" ..and another, less-happy Gordon, same place, 1937 GHT INTERNATIONAL 8 - 14 April. 1992 59
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