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Aviation History
1993
1993 - 1752.PDF
STRAIGHTS LEVEL $H nil.'*'"33 4~\—- BUDGIE BLUES "Hello, Tower? Requesting a VFR approach... No, 1 don't want to do a visual at this time of night in heavy fog... It's my sister-in-law Vera and her friend Tracy... No, they're not doing a visual approach either: they want to come up and look at your screens. OK?" (Ecko light aircraft approach system, 1949) YUCKSPEAK Series of 1,000,000 "Workforce reduction through pre-retirement" = Byee! • Max Loadfactor: "Sorry, Minister. My plan for Icarus Airways is not working. Should 1 go and spend more time with my family?" Minister of Things: "No." Loadfactor: "Why? Don't you want me to resign like my predecessors did?" Minister: "Oh, yes. It's just that the last two wanted to spend more time with their families. You will have to be ill instead. So sorry." • Bottom Neddy: "Well, we've solved the problem of airliners flying from Dreamland to Tinseltown having to make a com pletely pointless stop over at Mirage City. We can now let them fly di rect from Dreamland to Tinseltown." Top Kneddy: "But you can't do that! They must stop at Mirage City on the way. Our whole aviation policy depends on it!" Bottom Neddy: "Oh, •V "OK, chaps. The Minister hasn't got time to answer the questions we put to him on aerospace technology funding, so he's asked us to formulate answers on his behalf and submit them to ourselves. He quite understands that we will not agree with what he says and that we will reject what we've written to ourselves. So why don't we just forget the whole thing and have a cup of tea. Who needs an aerospace industry, anyway?" "Officers looking at [Avro] Athena cockpit", it says here (1949) they'll still stop there all right — all we've done is make Dreamland the compulsory stop-over on the way from Mirage City to Tinseltown..." • What's the difference between a microlight and un avion ultra-leger? You're right. Nothing at all — except that it's OK for un avion ultra-leger to fly across water from the east, but not for a micro- light to fly across it from the West. • Puddlejumper: "Ex cuse me. We want to Tokyo -bound AIflight crashlands BOMBAY: About 150 jiassengers and crew members on board an Air India Boeing 747-300 flight (A-I 308) were evacuated by emergency chutes at Bombay airport on Saturday night. The Tokyo bound flight via New Delhi under Captain Maheshwari made a precautionary landing amidst full emergency measures following a fire warning in the number two engine shortly after take off. The warning persisted in spite of firing the oxygen bottles. The 130 passengers and 20 crew members were then evacuated after the plane landed at the airport. Indian Express, Bombay, 14 June, 1993 have our picnic at the big airfield just down the road from your big air field. Is that OK?" Gen Strike: "No, that will be most inconvenient. You'll fill up our air space." P Jumper: "Oh, no. We promise we'll keep low, and only approach down one little corridor. We won't be any trouble." Gen Strike: "But that air field conflicts with our ILS approach — could be very dangerous in bad weather, that!" P Jumper: "Er, excuse me... Ever seen a micro- light flying in a thunder storm...?" ROGERNOMICS Lesson No E-3D DEFENCE CUTS When the cost of keeping your air force exceeds the budget allocated, you must cut costs. The easi est way to do this is to cut the number of aero planes you have. The simplest way of cutting aeroplane numbers with out wasting resources is to mothball what you've already got. However, if you mothball an aero plane, it is not available if you have an instant re quirement for it, so to allow for unplanned de mand, it is best to pre serve all your aircraft in airworthy condition. If you keep an aircraft air worthy, it is much more economic if you continue to fly it as well. Which means that the best way of cutting costs is to say that you have done so, and leave it at that. OK? Dual-control Fairey Swordfish, 1938 Quick- W'l 'T d/*" •33 .v. w mam ' 4§ <P= 1 :? ', ij n 'WRW ; **" J C-Si ':. " FLIGHT INTERNATIONAL 14 - 20 July. 1993 59
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