Straight and Level: 09 May 2006

EBACE first news

Our micro-Barbiejet expert, A H Hawker, reports from the Euro posh jet bring-and-buy sale held last week at a paddock near France. “According to ‘EBACE Convention News’, there’s an approaching new generation of small aircraft comprising personal, very light and light jets [PJs, VLJs and LJs]. Presumably the former will be operated by fly-by-nights?”

Way (too much points)

Continuing the theme of whacky waypoints, helpful Aussie nephew Toby Gursanscky, who fortunately for us obviously has way too much time on his hands, has come up with a nice Southern Hemisphere grouping. A series of Western Australian entry/exit points in descending latitudes at 110ºE are: “WONSA, JOLLY, SWAGY, CAMBS, BUIYA, BYLLA, BONGS, UNDER, ACOOL, EBARR and TREES, which owe something to the first line of the first verse of the national song ‘Waltzing Matilda’. Back in the days when there were three published tracks to southern Africa the entry points were LARRY, CURLY and MOEWE. Between Ayres Rock and Kalgoorlie was GAFFA, an aeronautical term describing the ‘Great Australian F All’. On approach to Brisbane’s runway 19 are the sequences LEAKY, BOATS, SINNK, DRAIN and PLUGG. Sydney has its SOSIJ SIZZL. At one time the Equator on the Honolulu Tahiti track was ZYLCH.”

Good handle

Bent Jockstrap: “We have developed an air-openable door for the Bombarider Dash Turbomonster.”
Budgie News: “Will it have any special features?”
Jockstrap: “For good customers we put a handle on the inside!”

Radio checks

(Overheard at RAF Bruggen in F-4 days)
Dyslexic radio check-in: “One, Five, Nine, Two, Eight...”
Roman radio check-in: “Aye, Aye-aye, Aye-aye-aye, Aye-vee, Vee...”
Disgruntled radio check-in: “God, I’m f****n’ peed auf with this Royal Air Force life.” ATCO: “Transmitter please ID yourself.”
Disgruntled radio check-in: “I’m not that f****n’ peed auf!”

When gremlins attack

Sometime ago you may recall nephew Mark Edwards telling me that his spellchecker always defaulted “Stansted” to “Stagnated” whenever he typed a document. Unfortunately no such excuse, I am afraid, can be found for the “Budgie Blues” gremlin that resulted in a Shackleton becoming a Shackelton. “Ballykelly’s nickname may well reflect Avro’s veritable flying rivets collection [‘Oops... wrong airport!’, S&L, 18-24 April], but I suspect Sir Ernest will turn in his grave at the mis-spelling of his surname, especially in that paragon of accuracy, Budgie News,” says nephew Malcolm Taylor. Er…quite!