Hairbrush exec: "As this chart shows, Airbus has followed an evolutionary process to increasing the use of composites, while Boeing is jumping from 9% of the structure on the 777 to 50% on the 7E7."

Budgie News: "Are you saying that it is wrong?"

Hairbrush: "I'm not saying it's wrong - I'm a marketing guy and I could change my mind tomorrow."

Meanwhile...at another press conference not far away...

Budgie News: "And what's your response to news that Hairbrush is offering the A330 Lite against the 7E7?"

Megaplanes: "We're delighted that they've recognised that the A330 is heavy, and needs a 'Lite'..."

For the traveller who has everything

Budgie News's very own Downunder correspondent Bruce Strewth wanted to know what Birdseed Airways was doing about the persistent problem of faulty seat power outlets for laptop computers.

Birdseed: "We've spoken with our boffins and it seems the outlets are frequently disabled by food particles, dust and lint from passenger clothing."

Strewth: "So are you going to put a cap on them or something?"

Birdseed: "No, we've come up with a cunning little, specially engineered cleaning tool."

Strewth: "So what does it look like?"

Birdseed: "Er...a belly button brush."

Lost in translation

It seems Mega Bombs Duds & Ammo may be doing more work on directed energy weapons research than previously thought. The UK GBAD system apparently provides a command and control capability for "Rapier and Star Trek". Despite the exec's protestations that he meant to say "Starstreak", our special weapons expert Stewart Sidewinder says this is the best evidence to date that the company intends to live long, and prosper.

And Load-a-Missiles has meanwhile tipped its hands in the "when to smack" debate. At the forthcoming Hampshire air pageant it apparently intends to brief Her Majesty's aerospace press on its newest goody, the surveillance miniature attack cruise missile - or SMACM. It also warned that "if there's any more trouble you might get a jolly good update on our next two weapons WHACM and SPANCM".

Finally, the Japanese aerial refuelling programme needs help to develop its boomer skills. But it may take some time to get the message across. At a recent tanker conference the Japanese presenter asked if anyone could "please tell us to train boom operators".

It's only a model...

Assembled hacks were amazed when a 1/150 scale B-2 model showed up at the Budgie News office recently - not so much with the model, but the accompanying paperwork qualifying it for export. In quintriplet it explained the "mock-up is non-operable as a defence article", and "contains no operable components covered by the US Munitions List". Blast...there goes our crack at global domination!

Source: Flight International